How Rude!

American culture and Kenyan culture are undoubtedly different. But how different? At times, some things which are perfectly normal in Kenyan culture can be taken as plain rude in an American setting. Below, is the list of the Top Ten rudest actions. Enjoy!

10. The Subtle Touch
In a supermarket, my friend was leaning against the refrigerator door when another lady came up from behind her, placed her hand on my friend's back, and gently pushed her away from the door. My friend looked at me with bewilderment written all over her face at the strange gesture.

Explanation? People here speak a plethora of languages, and sometimes those languages do not overlap. In this case, I would suspect that the lady who performed the “rude” gesture found it more comfortable and more clear to communicate without using words since she would not know what language to use to properly convey her message.

9. Where Are You Going?
“Where are you going?” “What are you doing?” I am constantly asked these questions by my neighbors whenever I leave my building. None of your business, I think to myself, but I usually respond politely. How tiresome though, to incessantly be interrogated in this way.

Explanation? Security & accessibility. People in the village need to know everything they can about everyone else so that they know each other are safe, and they know where to find someone in case of emergency or in case someone is searching for them.

8. Customer Service
I was with my father in a small restaurant when he ordered a cappuccino from the menu. The waitress smiled politely and went off to fill his order. Ten minutes went by. Then twenty. Things usually take a bit longer here, but at this point we were beginning to get restless. Then, the manager came up to us and said, “I'm sorry, we are all out of the cappuccino.”
“What took so long for you to figure that out and then tell us?” I asked impatiently.
He responded apologetically, “The waitress was afraid to come tell you."
I laughed at the answer, but waiting twenty minutes for that? Definitely rude, right?

Explanation? Because there is such a low value on time in general here, being made to wait for anything is not seen as a big deal. In the case of this waitress, she must have been yelled at once or more by impatient tourists, and she did not want to experience that again. Ironically, the longer she took to tell us, the more frustrated we got.

7. The Summon
I was walking briskly to my office and I had a lot to do. Suddenly I heard my name called, so I looked to see my counterpart lounging in her chair outside. “Come.” She commanded, and made a hand motion similar to crumpling paper. It was the common motion to signal people to come. I sighed, frustrated – first, she was lounging back not doing anything, and I was walking quickly, and she had the gall to summon me to her? Second, her tone was blunt. No please, no nothing. Just come. Rude!

Explanation? Elders can impose their will upon anyone younger than they are without shame. Children are often summoned with the come command, and must do the bidding of their elder, and they must do it cheerfully. And from the child's perspective, it is an honor to be called by an adult and to be of his or her assistance, so everyone wins.

6. Begging
"Give me sweets! Give me money! Give me!" This is the daily chorus from children I pass on the roads, especially children who do not know me. And adults do it as well. "Give me your bag. Give me your bicycle. Give my your camera." This behavior gets tiresome, especially because i was brought up to think that begging is shameful, and must not be done.

Explanation? Begging is taught as a form of humility, and is almost honored. The justification is that it is better than stealing. And often people are in much greater need or much more dire situations and do not have much of the social and financial infrastructure that Americans enjoy.

5. Line Cutting.
I was standing at the small shop's window, waiting behind the two people in front of me who were crowding the small space. Suddenly, I see a hand stretch past me from behind with money in it. As the hand reaches inside the small shop window, the voice attached to the hand orders, “Half kilo of sugar.” I look back at the man in amazement and tell him bluntly, “I am waiting here.” He looks at me with big eyes and replies, “Oohh, i'm sorry, sorry!”

Explanation? I have no idea.

4. The Cell Phone
We are in the middle of a meeting. High ranking officials and management staff are in attendance. The chairman of my CBO is giving a speech while all are listening intently. Suddenly, his phone begins ringing inside his front shirt pocket. He is still giving his speech as he reaches for the phone, then in mid-sentence he answers his phone, speaks for half a minute, tells his caller that he is in a meeting and hangs up, then continues his sentence where he left off. We all sat there in silence for every single one of those thirty seconds, listening to his conversation. I looked around and everyone else seemed to consider this to be appropriate behavior. I was confused.

Explanation? Phone etiquette has not yet reached the more rural areas, partly because cell phones are a new technology in Kenya (relatively..the past 5 years), and people are just as much excited about owning one as they are of being the recipient of calls. As an added incentive to being vigilant about answering, here in Kenya the caller is the one who pays for the call, so many prefer to answer instead of waiting to call back.

3. You Are Fat.
People have no problem stating physical attributes of a person. Whether they are white, black, fat, short, one legged, or mute, these are all very appropriate descriptions for someone. They do not go so far as “ugly” though.

Explanation? Being fat is not negative here, nor is white or black or short or deaf. Often I get told that I am looking too skinny, that I look sickly and almost pale. I respond with a cheerful, “Thank you!” understanding that they are only concerned with my well-being, and not so much with my appearance.

2. Peeping!
When I first arrived to Kenya, I remember all my neighbors, children and adults alike, would look into my windows and proclaim proudly, “I am peeping!” It made me feel awfully uncomfortable, like a zoo animal. About a year later, when my Swahili got good enough to explain things, I told them that peeping is a serious offense in America, and you could actually go to jail for it. They were incredibly apologetic.

Explanation? There is no privacy anywhere, ever. Peeping is accepted as normal, and the actions of my neighbors were driven by curiosity, not perversity.

1. The “Borrow”
A guy sitting close to me in a meeting asks if he could borrow my pen while we were taking notes. I reluctantly lend it to him, it being my only pen, but I assumed he would just use it shortly and return it. Five minutes pass, then ten. I begin staring at him to get his attention, but he does not turn. Though while I stare at him, I watch him raise my pen slowly towards his face and then proceed to put the end into his mouth. I did not ask for it back.

Explanation? There is almost a general sense of community ownership with everything. People feel they are entitled to everything their neighbor has, and visa versa. To “borrow” does not really exist, because the view is that everyone has equal share in one's personal possessions.


As a bonus, here are a few of very rude things people do in the States that would be unacceptable here:

3. Clothing: (Showing your knees or shoulders for girls/wearing shorts for men) Here in my village, prostitutes are made known by the way they dress, so showing a lot of leg or skin for a girl essentially means she is a prostitute. For shorts on men – only children wear shorts they say.

2. Not Greeting: If you pass by someone without greeting them. It is absolutely rude. Someone would assume you are just unfriendly, or that he or she has wronged you in some way to make you behave like that.

1. Elderly Respect: It doesn't matter if they are uneducated, sexist, tribalist, unfair, or simply stupid, one must always listen to an elder and acknowledge his or her wisdom (generally “his”). Not caring for one's parents or grandparents is serious shame to one's family.