Funny Questions

In college I had a friend from Israel. His name was Guy. He taught me how to say things in Hebrew like, “You have beautiful eyes,” and “I put you in the little pocket.” The former phrase comes in handy anytime I am wooing a nice Israeli girl, and the latter is apparently a taunt you can say if you are defeating someone soundly at some game or sport. Nevertheless, because he was the first Israeli I have ever known, I naturally had tons of questions to help me get to know his country. I would ask, “Guy, have you ever seen a computer before you came to America?” to which he would respond, “Yes, but I have never used one. There is only one in Israel, and it is broken now.” Or similarly, “Hey Guy, do they have cars in Israel?” And he would cleverly respond, “No. Only camels.” Some of the questions I asked were silly, meant to imply a sense of economic superiority between our two countries, but I still enjoyed his answers.

Now that I am in Kenya, I get to feel what it is like to have everyone around me curious about my culture and country. And attached to this curiosity comes a plethora of questions. I generally find these questions awfully amusing, especially because I understand to some extent the reason for them. Below are my top six favorite questions I have been asked so far.


6. Is wrestling real?

Why it makes sense: Hulk Hogan, The Undertaker, Ray Mysterio. The first time I watched these guys in action I was near 10 years old. And I was enthralled. 'How could they endure so much pain?' I thought to myself. And it very much appeared real to me. When they hit each other with chairs, those chairs get noticeably dented, and when they pummel each other to the ground by a pile-driver the ring makes a booming sound. But if one would think it through, getting thrown down head first by a man as big as The Undertaker is instant death, no matter how strong your neck is.


5. All Europeans know English, right?

Why it makes sense: Even though most everyone is aware that Europeans speak a plethora of languages (like French, German or Italian), it is assumed that all Europeans speak English. Just like in Kenya, everyone has a mother-tongue they learn growing up, and then they learn Kiswahili and English in schools. “French” or “German” are seen as “mother-tongue,” while English is seen as the “Swahili” equivalent. Most Kenyans' exposure to Europeans are that of tourists, and for tourists it would be imperative to speak at least a bit of English to get around. There are plenty of European countries that do not speak much English (Spain, France), but those who do not speak the language would generally not find themselves on a safari in Kenya.


4. How is you?

Why it makes sense: For many Kenyans, English is their 3rd language. But it is the language taught in schools. Still, people tend to speak Swahili or mother-tongue to each other, so English is not frequently heard. The question “How is you?” usually comes from those who have had some schooling, enough to understand that for the verb “to be”, “is” is the singular and “are” is the plural. By following this rule, it makes sense if you are asking a single person “How IS you?” instead of “How ARE you?” and be deceived into thinking that you are using proper grammar. It is only later in those school years that one will learn that English is the language of many many exceptions.


3. Do all Asians know Kung Fu?

Why it makes sense: Jet Li, Jackie Chan. The Oriental countries have an oligopoly on Kung-fu films, and since people here are exposed to these films they see hoards and hoards of Asian-looking people fighting martial-arts style. Quite a fair assumption I would say. Based on the news in America, I assumed all Africans were starving and there were stampeding wildebeest every morning and evening.


2. If you have big hair, does it take more of your body's nutrients?

Why it makes sense: Kenyans generally have very short hair. Not only is it culturally appropriate to be clean-looking and shaved, it is ingrained in Kenyan's very DNA for short, curly hair. Along with this, many people in the rural areas are farmers, so they are very familiar with the way crops grow. It is a fundamental concept that as plants grow bigger, their roots get bigger and they demand more water and more of the soil's nutrients to continue healthy growing. The way plants grow in the earth is strikingly similar to the way hair grows on someone's head, so it is a very reasonable assumption that hair would take more nutrients as it got bigger.


1. Why do the Europeans like pies so much? And why do they think it is funny when they throw pies into other people's faces?

Why it makes sense: Pies are rare here. If you can find one, they are very expensive, perhaps the equivalent to 7 or 8 full meals. It is unlikely that many Kenyans have tried pies, but if they had tried a pie, it would instantly clarify the question “why do Europeans like pies so much?” The answer: Pies are delicious. As for the second question: “why is it funny to be pied in the face?” It is almost difficult not to appreciate the comical nature of having a creamy pie thrown into an unsuspecting face. Even the phrase “a pie to the face” sets me giggling. But it is an absolute sin to waste food here, especially something as valuable as a pie.


I'm sure if my old friend Guy read this post, he would enjoy the way the tables have turned on me in the "question-answer" game we played back in college. If only they get that one computer fixed in Israel..